Signs
English is a funny language. For most of us, as we were brought up with it as our primary language, the nuances are easy. Not so for everybody! Enjoy the following collection.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to
steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is
please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest
hotel lobby:
The lift is
being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.
In a Leipzig
elevator:
Do not enter
the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade
hotel elevator:
To move the
cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris
hotel elevator:
Please leave
your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in
Athens:
Visitors are
expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a
Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening
of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese
hotel:
You are
invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby
of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian
hotel catering to skiers:
Not to
perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of
a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines
leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of
a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's
own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong
Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may
have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok
dry cleaner's:
Drop your
trousers here for best results.
Outside a
Paris dress shop:
Dresses for
street walking.
In a Rhodes
tailor shop:
Order your
summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted
in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with
each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich
hotel:
Because of the
impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an
advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth
extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome
laundry:
Ladies, leave
your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a
Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of
our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement
for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like
to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss
mountain inn:
Special today
-- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok
temple:
It is
forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo
bar:
Special
cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a
Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your
bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of
a Moscow hotel room:
If this is
your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian
cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested
not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest
zoo:
Please do not
feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office
of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in
women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco
hotel:
The manager
has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo
shop:
Our nylons
cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a
Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and
Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself.
From a
brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but
if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from
a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well
talking.
- Here
speeching American.