You know, some people are really gifted. They are athletic, good looking, intelligent and capable of doing just about anything. Others just don't quite make the grade! When these talents were handed out, they were elsewhere.
Now, take me for instance. I just have no concept of time at all. This probably accounts for the fact that I don't possess any of the above gifts to any degree. I reckon when they were handing out these things, I was away with my head in the stars, or contemplating my naval, or something! I just didn't get to the front of the queue in the gifts department and when all the "good" bits were gone, I wandered up in my own good time, not caring about anything much (as usual) and just took the "left-overs"! Mind you, I'm not complaining because by and large I am as happy as a dog with two tails with what I do have!
This brings me to the horse riding bit!
One of the gifts that I was not granted was balance! For example, for the life of me, I can't ride a bloody pushbike! Skate-board - forget about it! I don't even want to tell you about what happens with a 2 wheeled motor-bike! Quad bikes are okay, but 2 wheelers?????
At the grand old age of 43, I decided I would learn how to ride a horse. Yeah! I know, 43 isn't exactly ready for the retirement home, yet, but for someone without a sense of balance, this was probably sheer lunacy!
The first few lessons went pretty well! Steph (who was instructing me) was wonderfully patient and obliging. She was encouragement personified. Let's face it, though, going around are a very slow walk is hardly rodeo stuff, is it? Never-the-less, I seemed to be doing okay.
Next we tried the rising trot. Hmmmm! This takes a bit more co-ordination, but I was still staying more or less upright! Anyway, things were going pretty well, I thought. My arms were still all over the shop, my head wobbling about like a sideshow clown, but still seated! Beauty!
I don't know whether I got my aspirations tangled up with my capabilities, or whether my horse decided it had enough of this walrus sitting astride or what, but next thing I know I am at a canter. Note, this was still a gentle canter, not Melbourne Cup speed!
Around about this time my "balance", such as it was, deserted me!
Have you ever seen one of those movies where the Cossacks (or the Indians or whoever) are riding into battle, hanging over the side, whooping and hollering like crazy banshees whilst shooting arrows, bullets or whatever across the back of the horse? Believe me, by accident, that was sort of me - except for a few things.
We came to the conclusion that the canter might take a bit longer for me to master!
We then decided to restrict ourselves to walking and trotting. They seemed safe enough and I seemed to be able to manage them okay without too many catastrophes. Little did we know!!!!
I few weeks later, we decided that we were going to take a little steady ride out to the 5 ways and back..... or somewhere similar. Mind you, we are at the walk, nothing flash. Steph was 50 yards or so in front, just plodding along nice and quietly.
She noticed a big rock on the ground.
"Watch out for that rock"!
Yep! Watch out for it I did. I was so bloody busy watching it that as my horse and I passed over it, I was still watching it all the way to the ground! Mind you, this is at a very slow walk. I can report that as you get older, you don't bounce as well any more. Lucky I had my helmet on because .... you remember that rock? I watched it all the bloody way until I bashed my bloody noggin on the bastard!
Oooooof! Knocked the wind clean out of me, it did!
In one of the very first lessons, Steph had told me to never let go of the reins, in case I was out on the plains somewhere and fell off and the horse bolted. Being a pretty literal sort of person, I did exactly as she told me. I had a grip on those reins like Tarzan!
Picture this, here's this great lug of a bloke lying flat on his face, gasping and grunting, trying to get wind back into his lungs, floundering about like some bloody great beached whale. The horse wanted nothing to do with this monstrosity making weird noises right under its nose. Worse still, this apparition had hold of those leather things attached to its head! The more she pulled back, the more I hung on. The more I hung on, the more she pulled back! Mind you, she was a bit like a 12 foot dinghy trying to drag the anchor off the Queen Mary! It wasn't going to happen!
All the while, between the tears of laughter streaming down her face, Steph is urging me to get back up and get on. Me? I didn't have enough breath to get off my belly, let alone worry about climbing aboard again.
After that, I still managed to do a couple of 40 Km training rides, so I guess you should never give up! Just have a go.
It's been a couple of years since I have been horseback "riding". I think I might go back out and have another go at it over the next 2 weeks whilst I am on holidays. Chances are I will have forgotten everything I did learn (which, believe you me, wasn't much), but I'm going to have a go. Any bets as to how long it takes me to have a tumble?
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